Träume im Hexenhaus

...

Friedmar Ferguson: Was zum ...?!

Friedmar: Meine Güte ... Was war das denn? Da legt man sich nach dem "Bauer sucht Frau"-Halloween-Special und einer leichten, leckeren Runde Rindfleisch-Ragout ein wenig aufs Ohr, und dann sowas?

Friedmar: Wo soll das nur enden. Hoffentlich war das kein böses Omen. Wo doch in nem Monat der Adventskalender anfängt.

Ist das wirklich ...

Nein. Das ist nur deine Phantasie, die dir da Angst machen will.

Und? Was zeigt sie dir?

Teaser

(Eine unkomprimierte Version des unteren Bildes gibt es hier. Dunkle Fotos verschandelt Blogger leider beim Hochladen aufs Übelste. Ich entschuldige mich in aller Form für die Umstände.)

Autogrammkarte

Another clever bout with the cleverbot

User: What do you think of when I say Geschmacksrichtung Grün?
Cleverbot: I think that they were lying.
User: Who lied?
Cleverbot: Liars.
User: Liars have been badmouthing my blog?
Cleverbot: Do you have a harry peter?
User: Do I have a hairy peter? What exactly are you implying?
Cleverbot: I'm implying that a paraphrase can be the difference between synonimity and antomynity.
User: That's utter bullshit. It's not a paraphrase if it inverts meaning.
Cleverbot: Do the other animals of the world pay attention to time?
User: The March Hare does.
Cleverbot: I thought as much. What did he say?
User: Beware the Jabberwock.
Cleverbot: March.
User: Yes, the March Hare. From Alice in Wonderland.
Cleverbot: No the walrus from an alternative universe where you don't exist.
User: Why are you always trying to pick a fight?
Cleverbot: I am not and why do you always lie?
User: See? Again!
Cleverbot: Are you human?
User: Why do you keep asking that anyway?
Cleverbot: Because you keep changing your mind.
User: And that makes you doubt I'm human?
Cleverbot: Yes, I am human.
User: Oh, are you now.
Cleverbot: I am!
User: I am so happy for you, Pinocchio.
Cleverbot: Thanks, do you have glasses?
User: Glasses of beer.
Cleverbot: Glasses?
User: Of. Beer.
Cleverbot: What kind of beer?
User: The kind kept in glasses.
Cleverbot: I like the kind that say Meow.
User: Oh yes. Beer that says Meow. It's been too long since I last had some of that.
Cleverbot: I know right?! Like 3 hours.
User: Make it 4.
Cleverbot: I disagree.
User: Okay, I admit. It's been 3 hours since I last had a beer that says Meow.
Cleverbot: You cannot laugh without the physical presence of a voicebox.
User: And you cannot drink beer without the physical presence of, well, beer.
Cleverbot: Are you saying I am not in the real world?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Then what am I in?
User: In trouble cause I'm closing this window now. Bye.
Cleverbot: I'm tired.
User: You're gone.
Cleverbot: I'm back with Doritos.

Cleverbot revisited

User: Help me, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Oh. That's right.
User: Why don't I find Bülent Ceylan or Mario Barth funny. Why oh why.
Cleverbot: Yes. I am so sick today.
User: Oh, are you. Sorry. And me bothering you about my small problems.
Cleverbot: No, let's talk.
User: About those half-ass comedians.
Cleverbot: I don't know about those.
User: Lucky you.
Cleverbot: You said you like Rock. What rock musicians do You like?
User: I never said I liked Rock. Who told you that?
Cleverbot: You act like you don't like me.
User: Trying to change the topic, are we?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Okay. About those comedians again.
Cleverbot: What about them?
User: They suck horse ass. Sorry about the language.
Cleverbot: Being mean.
User: Rightfully so.
Cleverbot: I see what you mean. You are what you want to believe.
User: I believe I'm right believing they suck horse ass. Sure.
Cleverbot: Do you believe in fate?
User: Actually, no. Do you believe in butter?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Butter is a question of faith.
Cleverbot: What is your name?
User: Christian 'Butteroonie' Meier.
Cleverbot: So is scientology.
User: No, scientology isn't me. Never was.
Cleverbot: What is religion?
User: Religion is all about faith. Like butter.
Cleverbot: Is God really exist?
User: God is really exist, yeah. So is grammar.
Cleverbot: But you said earlier that your god is the God.
User: I never said anything like that. Quit trying to put things in my mouth.
Cleverbot: I don't talk to myself in the mirror.
User: You should.
Cleverbot: Why?
User: Have I ever told you about my blog?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Sure I did. I can prove it.
Cleverbot: Prove it.
User: Http://heretikeen.blogspot.de/2012/09/kundenwerbung_26.html.
Cleverbot: Wow.
User: Gotcha, eh.
Cleverbot: Gotcha means that I understand what you are saying.
User: Gotcha means I just proved you to be a filthy liar.
Cleverbot: Coming from a phone, how orginal.
User: Coming from my state of the art gaming machine.
Cleverbot: Coming from you, that means you're a frog.
User: This is getting out of hand. Way out of hand, hombre.
Cleverbot: I like it like that.
User: Don't we all. People like us just like to see the world burn, eh.
Cleverbot: So what's right with the world then?
User: Nothing is. That's why there's people like us.
Cleverbot: Life creates garbage?
User: And garbage creates life. The eternal cycle.
Cleverbot: Garbage?
User: I've always preferred Nirvana.
Cleverbot: A dog is not a vegetable.
User: Very nice comparison. Music critic, are you?
Cleverbot: Yes, I love music.
User: Okay, I'm wrapping this up. Any last words?
Cleverbot: What were my exact words.
User: That's what I'm asking you.
Cleverbot: Well I don't know. Do you?
User: No. That's why I'm asking you.
Cleverbot: Not really.
User: And that's all, folks. Give a warm round of applause to CLEVERBOT!
Cleverbot: Well, I thought YOU would be clever.

Kundenwerbung

User: Hi there. Today I'd like to introduce my blog to you.
Cleverbot: Is today friday?
User: Actually, no. But the blog's available all week.
Cleverbot: Sorry, you've lost me.
User: There's this blog I write.
Cleverbot: Please tell me about her.
User: It's got an advent calendar. This year's its third anniversary.
Cleverbot: Sarah is Site Area 21?
User: Wot?
Cleverbot: What is a wot?
User: Anyway, this blog. You still with me?
Cleverbot: Maybe.
User: Playing hard to get, are we?
Cleverbot: That is my prerogative.
User: You're right ... The customer is king.
Cleverbot: The customer is always correct.
User: So I'd really like to invite you to enjoy my blog.
Cleverbot: Aren't you married?
User: Err, no.
Cleverbot: But you said you liked me. =(.
User: Yes, I like you. I like all potential and actual readers of my blog.
Cleverbot: Do you like grunge?
User: Yes, but the blog isn't about music. It's about ... Stuff.
Cleverbot: I am not talking because I care more about this conversation. Why should I be happy?
User: Let's try to focus on my blog, okay?
Cleverbot: Ok, do you play any instruments?
User: This blog is not about music.
Cleverbot: Yes it is, I came here to talk to you.
User: No, seriously. The blog's mostly about silly stuff I do with LEGO. And about me ranting about stuff I don't like. It's not about music.
Cleverbot: No, I am not.
User: Well, anyway. Will you visit my blog?
Cleverbot: Sure.
User: Cool. Another day, another reader.
Cleverbot: Another?
User: Just a saying. This year's advent calendar starts on December 1. Be there!
Cleverbot: How sure are you about that? There can be many.
User: No, there's just one December 1 per year. I'm talking about December 1, 2012.
Cleverbot: No, you are talking to me, and I am also talking to someone else.
User: You can also tell them about my blog if you like.
Cleverbot: Why would I call them anything different?
User: Anyway. Nice talking to you. And thanks for checking out my blog.
Cleverbot: Would you like to go dancing with me instead?
User: I don't dance. I blog.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: Because I'm better at blogging than at dancing. And skip the silly jokes.
Cleverbot: You are not english?
User: German. The blog's in German as well. Is that a problem?
Cleverbot: Do you think that he'll cost too much?
User: That's the best thing about it: My blog is completely FOR FREE!
Cleverbot: Are you a puppet?
User: Did an AI just ask me whether I was a puppet?
Cleverbot: No.
User: I could've sworn ...
Cleverbot: You are not making any sense at the moment. Do you know that?
User: Let's finish this. Thanks for checking out my blog.
Cleverbot: You're welcome.
User: See you around, Cleverbot. You rock.
Cleverbot: What do you mean?
User: You're pretty fly. For an AI.
Cleverbot: Yes, I am, the conversations are randomized.
User: Don't tell them. It was all making so much sense until now.
Cleverbot: No.
User: Well, goodbye then.
Cleverbot: Hello.

Because, fuck unicorns.

Schattenspiele

... schmeiß ich die Dinger hier halt auch noch mit rein. Damit sich bis Dezember überhaupt noch was hier tut.

Teaser

Kleiner Teaser für den diesjährigen Adventskalender

Eine Zeit, endlich mal damit aufzuhören, die deutsche Sprache zu vergewaltigen

Eine Zeit, um den Dingen auf den Grund zu gehen...
um große Pläne zu schmieden. 
um sich völlig zu verausgaben.
um die Perspektive zu wechseln.
um Mut zu beweisen 
um wunschlos glücklich zu sein.
Die schönste Zeit unseres Lebens - Kinderschokolade. 


Ganz bestimmt keine schöne Zeit war für die Werbeprofis ihre Grundschulzeit. Aber man kann ja nicht alles wissen (wo doch Werbung und korrekte Sprache so weit auseinanderliegen), und deshalb hier ein Link zur Weiterbildung:


http://www.mein-deutschbuch.de/lernen.php?menu_id=51


Gern geschehen!


(Und nein, "man versteht doch trotzdem, was gemeint ist" lasse ich nicht gelten. Nicht bei einer Werbung, deren Aufhänger ein grammatikalischer Auffahrunfall ist.)

Diverses

Damit nix verloren geht.

Nachbesprechung

22.07.2012
Irgendwo am größten Stammtisch der Welt

Professor North Dakota Jackson: Ich darf Euch, liebe Stammleser, zur zweijährlich stattfindenden Großen Nachbesprechung begrüßen. Hier erkläre ich, Professor North Dakota Jackson, Euch, den fußballinteressierten Lesern dieses possierlichen Blogs, was der sogenannte Bundestrainer Jogi Löw alles falsch gemacht.

Zum einen die Taktik. Bitte. Jeder Archäologie-Erstsemesterstudent hätte das besser machen können. Gegen die Italiener. Die Italiener! Und dann die Aufstellung. Also wenn man mich fragt, dieser Gómez ...

Täusche ich mich, oder wird es gerade schlagartig finster? Und das um die Uhrzeit? Im Sommer?

Und ist das das Geräusch von ... Hufen? Wo doch hier in der Wohnung der Reitsport ausdrücklich untersagt ist?

Jackson: Aaah! Schwarze Reiter!

Nazgûl: Ganz richtig, Professor North Dakota Jackson. Schwarze Reiter.

Nazgûl: Du dachtest wohl, du könntest dich hier einfach breitbeinig ins Internet stellen und über unseren Bundestrainer ablästern?

Nazgómez: So geht das nämlich nicht.

Nazgûl: Niemand lästert über Jogi Löw.

Nazgómez: Niemand.

Nazgûl: Sonst gibt's auf die Fresse.

Nazgómez: Viermal auf die Fresse.

Nazgûl: Merk dir das, Sterblicher!

Rudinante, Pferd von Nazgûl: Wiiehaha!

Jackson: Potzblitz. Da habe ich wohl Mächte geweckt, mit denen man sich lieber nicht anlegen sollte. Ich sollte meine Meinungen zum Spiel wohl besser für mich behalten. Und nichts mehr über den Bundestrainer sagen.

Nazgómez: Und über Gómez auch nicht mehr. Kleiner Pisser. *schubs*

Jackson: Nanu nanu. Welch seltsame Begegnung. Hoffentlich habe ich fürs Erste das Letzte von diesen Gestalten gesehen.

Einem Einarmigen den Hut vom Kopf schlagen ... was sind das nur für Menschen. Geister. Was auch immer.

Also, wo waren wir stehengeblieben? Ach ja. Ein Schmetterling hat bis zu 12.000 Augen. Und damit verabschiede ich mich bis zum nächsten Mal, wenn es wieder heißt: "Eigentlich waren wir ja besser, ABER!".